To find small ways of being
that are so far
from the clamor in my mind,
in the trailing line
of ink it takes
to create a sentence,
or in how the brush manages
to pick up and load
the paint to apply
to a canvas,
or in the book I happen
to want to read, and which
somehow succeeds
in keeping me entertained.
In all these small
ways of being, I escape.

Tagged ,

7 thoughts on “Escape

  1. Alex says:

    There are many things I could wish for in this life. Maybe more money, not having to work. But today, if I could wish for anything I would wish to know you. To know your good days and your bad days. To hear about the cave days of the 90s, just to name a few. I would be honored to be a sounding board to revel in who you are.

    But, a little about me, when I’m writing I push myself into heights of passion. This is where you caught me that night, in a passion storm, When you arrived it caused a sudden halt and made me dizzy. You altered the course of the passion storm, which will usually come to a rest but hasn’t come to that point yet. I can’t believe I wrote a poem on my lunch hour today. Usually I come down from the passion when I go back to work. The words instead continue to flow. I am a passionate person, which is one reason I’m often misunderstood.

    You brought about feelings in me that I didn’t expect. For you, it might have been just a conversation. For me, especially in a passion storm, it was amazingly unexpected. Now I explore those feelings through my writing. Yes, many of my recent writings are about you. No need to feel obligated or afraid, I’m just exploring those feelings. I don’t want to be afraid of those feelings anymore. I want to feel them.

    That’s enough about that. As for wishes, they rarely come true. But I can wish, can’t I? I’m still amazed that you could get me to open up without seemingly any effort. Believe me, I’m a very private person. Extremely private. Yet, that night I just let things out I rarely share, especially with someone I don’t know. It felt so good sharing with you. It was so enjoyable you sharing with me. This doesn’t happen often in my life. Feeling so comfortable sharing.

    Well, I just had to get this out. Maybe it will calm my passion so I can relax and enjoy a movie or something rather than words and images spinning round and round through my mind.

    Thank you for a very enjoyable night of sharing. I’ll never forget it and I hold on to my wish.

    • stillight says:

      Hi, Alex… these are beautiful and unexpected words, thank you!

      I’m easily overcome with language and so really need to take the time to process what you’ve said before I feel I can send a proper response… I hope you don’t mind waiting.

      I’m about to watch a movie with my Mother, who’s currently visiting, but will definitely get back to you later this evening or tomorrow.

      I hope you also have an enjoyable evening and… happy movie watching! “)

      • Alex says:

        You needn’t be concerned with needing to fulfill my wish. And I should clarify, the things I wrote about love are not meaning I’m somehow head over heals in love with you. We don’t even know each other. But they are inspired by you. Love is something I usually avoid feeling and writing so it opened me in a new way. All I know is by telling you and sincerely letting you know that I appreciate you ended the passion storm and I had a peaceful night’s sleep. My mind coming to rest again until my next days off. Thank you for accidentally coming in to my little world and expanding my horizons. Well, it off to work time for me.

      • stillight says:

        Hi Alex,

        Thank you again for your letters and sharing your thoughts with me. Your words really are quite beautiful and I am always amazed at how men can be so adept at sharing their feelings, especially when our society tends to make us want to believe men don’t really feel as deeply as they do.

        To hear the process; of feelings you’re exploring and allowing yourself to feel, even if our unexpected encounter might have been a catalyst for that, is honestly, something I’m not quite used to hearing, so even more reason, I’ve taken so much time to process what you’ve shared with me through your comments and poems.

        To be honest, I’ve never had anyone write such things directed at me in any fashion (whether literal or creatively), so I’m not quite sure how to even process it myself. Here, you are able to express to me in a comment exactly what you’re feeling, and I am inept at unraveling my own. Perhaps why I tend to express myself mostly through poetry, because it’s a way for me to let feelings out I otherwise wouldn’t know how to.

        Anyway, before I ramble on too much, and being this is the internet, where one can allow themselves to believe just about anything (like your poem Technology – which I enjoyed immensely), I feel I should stop myself from sharing more than I should. I find myself wanting words all the time, but from someone I have loved deeply from a distance for years. Someday, maybe, I will stop wanting them.

        All this said, please feel free to write me as a pen pal anytime, as I enjoy throwing thoughts about, and especially like talking writing, books, or poetry. I found a couple of new books yesterday at the thrift store, and one I was especially looking for; The English Patient, which I will be delving into today.

        I hope you have a good Sunday!

      • Alex says:

        Your answer is very reasonable. In fact, it’s what I expected. Still, within it, you gave me even more things I needed as I embark on this journey. I will try to put this simply so as to not make it so you have to take much time to process. Though I can’t guarantee it.

        My one weakness is that of gratitude.

        When I person gives me something that I’ve been looking for for a long time, even if they don’t know they are giving it to me, I will repay them 100 fold with gratitude. Thus the love poems.

        Imagine being at a door knowing that beyond that door is a journey that will bring such beauty to your heart and life. The door is locked. You don’t know where the key is nor where to even look. You can see everything beyond that door within your mind.

        You really want to go through this door. So you simply start looking, anywhere, for the key. As you search a chain of events happen that give you a greater idea of where the key is. Then, suddenly, someone simply hands you the key, which to her was really nothing, but to you was everything.

        Another way of looking at it. For many months I have thought theoretically of a way of life for myself. I had drawn up everything perfectly. But, I lacked the primary tool to build this way of life for myself. I didn’t know how to manufacture this tool or even that it looked like. So, all I could do was look at the plans unable to build anything.

        Then, someone unknowingly gives me the tool that I needed. That tool, in this case, was love. The feeling of love. It is the also the key to the door.

        For you, you were just having a conversation. For me you were giving me all that I needed to build this way of life. To open the door. So, I give my gratitude with the very thing that you had given me. You didn’t give me love in the simple sense that most people think of love. You gave me the key or tool to the feeling of love. Thus I give you the result of what you gave me.

        Okay, I can’t explain it any simpler. I could go into deeper detail but that might cause you to have to spend time processing. Oh, how I would like to go into the details with you. I wouldn’t be able to do so in this public forum either.

        Other than that. I will simply say, Thank you.

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